爸爸忘記了 Father Forgets
佚名/Anonymous
Listen, son:I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a hot, stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
These are the things I was thinking, son:I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called,“Good-bye, Daddy!”and I frowned, and said in reply,“Hold your shoulders back!”
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your socks. I humiliated you before your friends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Socks were expensive, and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!Imagine that, son, from a father!It was such a stupid, silly logic.
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in, timidly, with a sort of hurt, hunted look in your eyes?When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door.
“What is it you want?”I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. When has habit been doing to me?The habit of complaining, finding fault, reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you;it was that I expected too much of you. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.