神奇的饋贈 Dear Mom
克麗斯汀·古爾德/Christine Goold
After thirty years, I am finally beginning to appreciate the mother you have been to me. Although Jana is only ten months old, I feel I have learned more about you in the short time since her birth than in all my years of growing up and breaking away.
As I go about my new life of caring for Jana, I constantly wonder, how on earth did you do it?You, who raised not one, not two, but six children. I’m still feeling shock waves from the change and upheaval one child has made in my life, and I know that what I have experienced so far is only a glimpse, the barest hint, of all you went through raising us.
“You learn to sacrifice when you have children.”was one of your stock phrases when I was growing up. To you, sacrifice was a necessary virtue, an accepted part of parenthood. But I didn’t go for that. I considered sacrifice not only unnecessary, but unfashionable and downright unappealing as well.
Well, Mom, what can I say?I’m learning.
Lately, I’ve begun to look on motherhood as an initiation into“real life.”I don’t think I realized until Jana’s birth that the life I’d led previously-relatively free, easy, and affluent-is not the life led by most people-past or present. By becoming a mother, I seem to have acquired automatic membership into a universal club made up of uncertainties and vulnerabilities, limitations and difficulties, and sometimes, unsolvable problems. Of course, the club has its benefits, too.
When Jana wakes from her afternoon nap and, so happy to see me, gives me her radiant full-face smile, I smile back and feel on my own face the smile you used to give me when I woke up in the morning. Or, when Jana does something particularly cute, I’ll glance up at Gary, and in the look we exchange I see the one I remember crossing between you and Dad at opposite ends of the dinner table. It was a look full of feelings I never knew until now.