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第4章 喜歡自己更多一點 (2)

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Several years ago, I discovered a grape-sized lump on my left breast. My doctor scheduled outpatient surgery right away. A month later, when I resumed periodic self-examination, I felt the same lump in the same hard-to-reach place. I was certain of it! When I called the doctor to suggest he might have missed the lump in question, he insisted I was wrong. It could not possibly be a lump, he said, because he had removed it. After all, he was the doctor.

I got off the phone, doubting what I’d felt with my own hand. But fear of lethal consequences gave me the courage to insist he re-examine me, at which point he reluctantly acknowledged that, yes, it did seem to be the original lump. He removed it in a second surgery.

In my case, I had to confess that I was stupid because I didn’t understand technical things. Yet, even after acknowledging that I’m actually a pretty intelligent person, I still had to grieve the fact that no amount of classes or training would ever completely solve my technical ineptitude!

Another lie I believed about myself was that I’d been selfish for having only one child. The truth is, I nearly died giving birth to my daughter, and my husband didn’t want to adopt. Still, I spent years feeling like an inferior mother —like I should have trusted God to protect me in subsequent childbirth.

I now believe that —in my case — one child was God’s will for me. I’ve rejected the condemnation. Nevertheless, I had to grieve that I’d never have the houseful of children I’d always wanted.

最近,我問坐在我車裏的一位朋友:“你喜歡自己什麽?”沉默了好幾分鍾後,她轉向我,滿臉歉意地說:“我想不出來。”

我十分詫異,她竟看不到自己的任何優點。她是一個多麽聰明、美麗迷人而又富有同情心的姑娘啊!

我深知並非隻有她一人如此,自尊心較低已成為女性最大的困擾。盡管上帝保證深愛著我們,但我們大多數人不能相信他是說的“我們”。就像憤世嫉俗的編輯對初出茅廬的記者說:“如果你媽媽說她愛你,那就去確認一下吧。”