佚名/Anonymous
Hurt feelings between people can be very upsetting. How should you respond when someone comes to you complaining about being“put down” or insulted by someone else?
Psychologist Jack Canfield has a good suggestion. Say to the complainer,“Suppose I were to say, ‘Joe, you have green hair.’ Would that make you feel bad?”
He'll probably reply,“No.”
Ask,“Why not?”
His likely reply,“Because I know I don't have green hair.”
You say,“So What I say to you needn't affect how you feel. What you believe about yourself is more important.”
Add,“What if I say, ‘Joe, you are mean and selfish’? That statement can only hurt you if you have doubts about whether you really are mean and selfish. If you are clear that you are a warm, generous person, then you won't be hurt because you know what I said isn't true.”
“Anytime you feel upset about what someone says about you, or something you do, it's because at some level you doubt yourself in that area.”
“If someone says, in effect,‘You have green hairs’ and you know you don't, there's no problem.”
“If there's some truth in what the person says, view it as feedback or information you can use for self-improvement.”
Suggestion: When people feel insulted, tell this story and ask if they have green hairs.
人與人之間的感情受到傷害時，總會心煩意亂。當別人向你抱怨他受到“羞辱”或被別人侮辱時，你該怎樣回應他呢？
心理學家傑克·坎菲爾德有一個很好的建議，即對抱怨者說：“如果我對你說，‘喬，你長綠頭發了。’你會感到難過嗎？”
他的回答可能會是“不”。
如果你再問他：“為什麽呢？”
他的回答可能是這樣：“因為我知道自己不會長綠頭發。”
這樣，你就可以說：“所以，我的話並沒有影響到你，最重要的是你對自己的看法。”